The Broken And Exhausted

I have three horses. All three of them have been rescued from an uncertain future and likely untimely death due to being thrown into the slaughter pipeline. There is no telling how they ended up there, but probably because they were sold at an over crowded horse auction, where towards the end of the night… Continue reading The Broken And Exhausted

Laura Wyatt Douglass – Author of: Laura Simply Stumbling

I am the mother of 2 beautiful daughters and have found myself now torn between Heaven & Earth. I am a wife, Lala (grandmother), sister, daughter & friend. In the professional world, I am an assistant controller for a manufacturing company. I am not what I'd consider a writer. My heart however, has something to… Continue reading Laura Wyatt Douglass – Author of: Laura Simply Stumbling

My Personal Experience With Psychiatry & Professional Counseling – Child Loss Grief

In my experience, when psychiatry and counseling goes bad, it can go really bad. It can be extremely traumatic to the one trusting a professional for help. This is the story of my journey into the world of psychiatry and professional counseling. My daughter passed away on December 11, 2016. As a mother, I had… Continue reading My Personal Experience With Psychiatry & Professional Counseling – Child Loss Grief

Let’s Talk Unresolved or Complicated Grief

Everyone grieves at their own pace and in their own, very personal manner. So who's to say that someone might have unresolved or complicated grief? Is there really anything 'normal' when it comes to grieving the loss of someone you love? How is grief not complicated and how is it ever possible to resolve? Who… Continue reading Let’s Talk Unresolved or Complicated Grief

Death Stole My Future

One thing is certain in life; death shall come to us all. Death is inevitable and inescapable. We shall all meet death eventually. I've written some about losing my father to cancer. The loss of my father is something I shall always grieve. I miss him more than I can ever describe. I do however… Continue reading Death Stole My Future

A Moment Between Father & Daughter

In one of my previous blog posts titled: How Losing a Parent Differs From The Loss of a Child, I spoke about losing my father and how he never left me. Part of it read: My father passed away after a long battle with pancreatic cancer just a little over a year before my daughter left this… Continue reading A Moment Between Father & Daughter

Is It Glorifying The Imperfect

I lost my daughter to a drug related accident. My daughter was imperfect; she acted out, just like most teenagers do and she ultimately did something that caused her own death. So why do I “glorify” her in my writing? I have a very simple answer to this question. LOVE. I love my daughter unconditionally… Continue reading Is It Glorifying The Imperfect

Thumbprint Pendant

I wear a necklace Around my neck A thumbprint pendant From someone I hold quite dear Someone who Is no longer near So I rub the pendant With my eyes shut tight And make a wish To dream tonight A Dream is the only place I can feel you near And touch your face Now… Continue reading Thumbprint Pendant

Anger

I've been fairly silent lately and not expressing what's been going on in my heart. To be honest, I just haven't had the words recently. I've been stuck in some sort of deep sadness. However, my emotions haven't been completely running away with me, so I think I've been in a more quiet grief place… Continue reading Anger

Seems Like Just Yesterday

Tomorrow, August 22nd will mark four years since my father left this earth to live out his eternal life in Heaven. After a lengthy battle with pancreatic cancer, my daddy drew his last breath on a Saturday, August 22, 2015 at approximately 6:15 p.m. It seems like just yesterday, I saw him last. My father… Continue reading Seems Like Just Yesterday

A Life Somewhere Between A Glass Half Full & A Glass Half Empty

I've always thought of myself as a glass half-full type person. Never the outwardly bubbly, or overly cheerful type, but I'd definitely say that I'm a positive thinker. I don't typically complain about much anything, at all, or ever really, and I can usually find something positive to say about anyone or just about any… Continue reading A Life Somewhere Between A Glass Half Full & A Glass Half Empty

Things Taken For Granted

In life, there are things we take for granted. Some may not be apparent until they are lost. After the loss of a loved one, there is much time spent remembering all the little things; moments we might have forgotten or continued to take for granted otherwise. This has been the case for me anyway.… Continue reading Things Taken For Granted

Memories of You

Memories Are what my mind turns to  So I sink into the memories These memories I have of you   No one will ever fully Fully comprehend Just how much I long I long to be with you  And how I'll always cherish Every sweet memory, I have of you I don't want to turn… Continue reading Memories of You

Bear Witness

There are no quick fixes Or remedies for our pain There is nothing That can take it away When you know someone Who has lost another they love Please do not turn and walk away Instead, just bear witness To what we have to say Our hearts have been broken And we know all to… Continue reading Bear Witness

My Soul Will Find Yours

I will look for you Until I draw my last breath I'll never let go Not even in death If it takes a thousand years or more Still I will find you Someday and somehow I'll never lose hope And my soul will find yours https://youtu.be/54DMWdzROH0

For You Daddy

In all my days I'll always wonder What you would think of me now In all my days I'll want to know If I still make you proud of me Daddy In all my days I'll be your blonde haired, blue eyed little girl The one you always saw when you looked at me In… Continue reading For You Daddy

The Legacy We Leave

I’ve decided to try a couple of other platforms to showcase some of my writing. I haven’t been getting as much traffic to my website as I’d like. In the 3 months I’ve been writing and pouring my heart out, I’ve still only seen a little over 4,300 visitors to Laura Simply Stumbling here on… Continue reading The Legacy We Leave

Reflection

When I look in the mirror The only reflection I see Is a shell of a woman A woman that used to be Who is this now The one staring back at me Her face seems familiar But she is not who she used to be Where is she hiding Or is she simply waiting… Continue reading Reflection

These Tears I’ve Shed

A million tears have touched these cheeks All the tears I’ve shed for you I only shed these tears Because I’m missing you I shed them when I’m feeling blue Each and every tear that falls Is a memory I have of you A million tears have touched these cheeks All the tears I’ve shed… Continue reading These Tears I’ve Shed

What I’ve come to learn about online grieving & support groups

I'm a member of a few online grieving groups through social media. The handful of groups I am part of are intended solely for either grieving mothers or both mothers and fathers. There are many groups available for those who have lost siblings, spouses, parents and grandparents, etc. too. Child loss is where I've found… Continue reading What I’ve come to learn about online grieving & support groups

For Maddy On Her 18th Birthday

Madison's 18th Birthday is tomorrow, the 27th of June. Just like with many other milestones one can face after the loss of a child, the days leading up can prove to be challenging. Anticipation has already been hitting me pretty hard. There have been many difficult milestones to get through this year. Just like any… Continue reading For Maddy On Her 18th Birthday

When Does Your Time Limit For Grieving Expire

At some point we all reach a time in our grieving process when people begin to find it more and more unacceptable that we continue to grieve our loved ones. They may even say things that make us feel guilty for grieving. They may begin to speak behind our backs, saying things like, "enough is… Continue reading When Does Your Time Limit For Grieving Expire

The Haunting

I have this haunting A haunting, no one else can see You, my dear, have left and haunted me You left me with this haunting so deep inside of me I have this haunting, you see A haunting of dreams to never be And a future changed so shockingly Never before have I felt so… Continue reading The Haunting

My Dysfunctional Anxiety

In my prior blog post:  WAIT A MINUTE...MY BIG GIRL PANTS SUDDENLY GOT WAY TOO SMALL AND WAY TOO FAST I talked about my latest panic attack. I had gone to the store for a simple task and ended up having a full-blown panic attack as I was leaving and on the way to my… Continue reading My Dysfunctional Anxiety

Wait a Minute…My Big Girl Pants Suddenly Got Way Too Small and Way Too Fast

Before I get started, let me just say that I'm going to try to make as much light of this situation as I can. Because it was an extraordinarily difficult day to begin with, already planning on attending Madison's Senior classmates’ graduation the same night and not knowing how the evening would play out at… Continue reading Wait a Minute…My Big Girl Pants Suddenly Got Way Too Small and Way Too Fast

The Empty Chair

This past Friday, I attended what would have been my daughter Madison's High School Graduation. I knew it would no doubt, be one of the most difficult milestones I've had to face to date. However, I truly and wholeheartedly wanted to be there to see her friends graduate and watch them celebrate in their accomplishments.… Continue reading The Empty Chair

Through Her Mother’s Eyes

Madison was always full of life. She was full of spunk and had a little attitude too. Her laugh or smile could change your day in the matter of seconds. She was ferocious and so very tender at the same time. She loved to joke around and was so extremely smart and witty. She loved… Continue reading Through Her Mother’s Eyes

Grief is a Monster

Grief is a monster That comes each and every night With crooked horns and teeth so sharp He comes to fill you full of fright And keep your rest at bay A monster looming A shadow in the dark So awake you stay Until the break of day Forget sleeping in It's time you're on… Continue reading Grief is a Monster

Rescue by Lauren Daigle – Worth the Listen If You Have a Broken Heart

https://youtu.be/2FhQCYGYXzw You are not hidden There's never been a moment You were forgotten You are not hopeless Though you have been broken Your innocence stolen I hear you whisper underneath your breath I hear your SOS, your SOS I will send out an army to find you In the middle of the darkest night It's… Continue reading Rescue by Lauren Daigle – Worth the Listen If You Have a Broken Heart

Spread Kindness In A World Filled With Hatred

This is a continuation of one of my previous writings: ATTACKING A BROKEN SPIRIT How we treat others continues to weigh so incredibly heavy on my heart. It may seem as though the act of kindness is a fairly simple concept. But I think some might be surprised how being a beacon of kindness is… Continue reading Spread Kindness In A World Filled With Hatred

Dreams

I have a confession. This confession feels absolutely terrible to even put in writing. It is my reality though. I do not dream of Madison. I have only had three dreams of her that I actually remember since the day she left. I don't know why; I try so hard to dream of her. Every… Continue reading Dreams

Attacking a Broken Spirit

I truly feel that more people have experienced something in life that has left them broken than those who have not. Some people never recover from these things. For those of us that have not been able to recover, it is extremely important to protect our already broken spirit anytime we can.     One… Continue reading Attacking a Broken Spirit

Facing Mother’s Day With a Broken Heart

Mother's Day in the U.S. is this coming Sunday and National Bereaved Mother's Day was this past Sunday. I, along with so many other mothers find it hard to know where we fit on these days intended to honor our motherhood. National Bereaved Mother's Day was created to celebrate, honor and remember mothers who have… Continue reading Facing Mother’s Day With a Broken Heart

Because of HIS Grace I Stood

When I first lost my daughter I was in complete and utter shock. I was in shock for multiple reasons. My precious baby had died plus I had suffered great trauma in finding her and trying to save her. The time leading up to her funeral service was a blur. I remember that I could… Continue reading Because of HIS Grace I Stood

Can Losing A Pet Be As Hard As Losing A Loved One

I read an article this morning titled “Researchers Reveal Losing A Dog Can Be As Hard As Losing A Loved One”. I read the article in full and I do not disagree that losing a beloved pet can DEFINITELY be hard and that we can love our pets so much that we do have to… Continue reading Can Losing A Pet Be As Hard As Losing A Loved One

Knowing My Own Limits While Re-Entering Life

I have written some previously about my inability to physically go anywhere but one or two places and how I have become almost entirely agoraphobic because I suffer from overwhelming fear & panic while in public as well as most social situations. This is the most frequent topic of conversation with my grief councillor. He… Continue reading Knowing My Own Limits While Re-Entering Life

So you say you’re not okay

I have been seeing a very common and consistent theme everywhere I turn lately. I hear and see people say the following things way too regularly. "I AM NOT OKAY" "I AM NOT STRONG (EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME I AM)" "I CAN'T CONTINUE WITH THIS PAIN" First. You are NOT alone. Your feelings… Continue reading So you say you’re not okay

Some Days Just Suck

Some days just plain suck, but that's okay. Some days I wish I could turn my back on all this grief, this unbearable pain in my heart, this terrible uncertainty, unnatural fear and anxiety. I wish I could turn my back on it all; All this emotional turmoil that takes such a great toll and… Continue reading Some Days Just Suck

In a Dream of You & Me

I had a dream A dream of you and me What a wonderful yet heartbreaking dream it would turn out to be We sat so close Face to face Not doing or saying a thing We both were content Just you and me I reached for your face To see if you were real Then… Continue reading In a Dream of You & Me

Seeing Myself Unabridged

I have a lot of time to think to myself, I mean lots of time. I am typically in deep thought even when I am busy doing something else. I am not present even while in the presence of others. I have become an efficient multitasker, but with the consequence of disconnecting. This post isn't… Continue reading Seeing Myself Unabridged

Washed Away

When both of my daughters were little I used to have a recurring nightmare. It was the only nightmare I can recall having while I was a young mother with two young children. This nightmare would always frighten me wide awake and I'd be covered in sweat. I would have to ground myself, realizing that… Continue reading Washed Away

Where Does This Love Go Now

I have so much love locked inside my heart with no where to go or anything left to do. It feels like my heart is going to explode. This is no ordinary love either, no. It is the love of a mother. See, this love cannot be given to anyone else either because it is… Continue reading Where Does This Love Go Now

Letting Go

"There are far better things ahead than we leave behind""You can't step into the future still holding onto the past""No matter how much you revisit the past, there's nothing new to see""Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be." Quotes like these make me really think about my… Continue reading Letting Go

Would It Be Alright To Just Stick My Head In The Sand

Sometimes in anticipation of upcoming milestones, I feel like sticking my head in the sand instead of facing them. I have several major milestones to face this year and I want nothing more than to just hide from it all and stick my head in the sand. If I can't see it, it can't hurt… Continue reading Would It Be Alright To Just Stick My Head In The Sand

Tomorrow is Today

There can be no turning back. If it were possible, I would’ve already found a way. Yesterday has gone and tomorrow is always today. This is one of the many terrible realizations that come after losing your child. Every day I wake only to face the same heartbreak again. I can’t run or hide from… Continue reading Tomorrow is Today

No ‘at least’ in child loss – My two cents on saying at least to a grieving parent

There is no ‘at least’ in childloss. No one can convince me otherwise on this. I understand that people honestly mean well anytime they begin a sentence with “at least” while speaking of my loss. The truth is, that I cringe inside when anyone says something like “At least you have another child. At least… Continue reading No ‘at least’ in child loss – My two cents on saying at least to a grieving parent

My Regrets

When a loved one dies it is perfectly natural to have feelings of regret. It’s natural to regret a conversation you might have had with them or one you didn’t get to have. It is natural to feel regret for not spending enough time with them. It’s natural to feel regret for just about anything… Continue reading My Regrets

His Patience and My Purpose

It’s been a little more than two years keeping my feelings and what is in my heart almost entirely to myself, only ever speaking of the most superficial. I’ve never spoke aloud or written any of what’s been pouring out of my heart recently. I have been so angry with God over Maddy’s death. But… Continue reading His Patience and My Purpose

Signs From Our Loved Ones

I've heard it said that there are signs of our loved ones everywhere. I’ve heard that some of the signs can come by way of butterflies, dragonflies, cardinals, a cloud formation, a ray of light or feathers, just to name a few. Photograph by: Laura Wyatt Douglass I've seen all of these things regularly throughout… Continue reading Signs From Our Loved Ones