Half Here – Half There

This life long journey I’m on is hard. I know I’m not alone, but it’s still so lonely being here. See, I have two beautiful daughters which I love more than anything in the world. I’m a mother here on earth and I’m a mother in heaven. This journey of mine is not fair to anyone I love. It’s not fair to my lovely daughter Sarah as she has to see the pain I feel and has to see what I’m sure seems like I’m only ever thinking of Maddy. What she doesn’t realize is that I think about her just as frequently and harbor an overwhelming guilt for putting her through it all. I know she has her own grief she goes through from losing Maddy too. She lost her only sibling and her best friend. Sisters have a special connection. I know she does worry about me. I love her so much for her very sweet, pure heart and gentle nature. She keeps half my heart intact and unbroken without even knowing it. In losing Maddy I lost half of me, but half of me still remains because of Sarah. I pray and hope that I can become more present for my unquestionably irreplaceable daughter. I know she needs her Mommy still, even though she is a Mommy herself. It’s hard living in between missing half of me and trying to be present for my other half. It’s just not fair to anyone of us. I hope to do better for all my loved ones that remain here in this new life we’ve been given.

I love Sarah and I’m so proud of the woman she’s become. I couldn’t make it without her.

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