There is no ‘at least’ in childloss. No one can convince me otherwise on this. I understand that people honestly mean well anytime they begin a sentence with “at least” while speaking of my loss. The truth is, that I cringe inside when anyone says something like “At least you have another child. At least you have this or you have that.” To me there are no at least scenarios that make losing Maddy anymore bearable.
Does this make me ungrateful? No. This in no way means that I’m even the slightest bit ungrateful & do not appreciate the family, friends or things I do still have left. For these things I am actually quite thankful. But I still lost my precious child and there are absolutely no ‘look on the bright side’ sentiments that can take away even a tiny piece of my tremendous loss.
As a mother I love my daughters without measure, but there can be no ‘at leasts’ after losing one of them. They are both irreplaceable in my mind.
My personal experience with statements like this is that it causes guilt. Unnecessary guilt. There is already so much guilt felt after losing a child that you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for still having remaining child(ren) or loved ones too.
Just as my love for both of my daughters is immeasurable, so are my feelings of pain, sadness, grief, loss of identity and purpose after losing Madison.
Simply put, it is just plain UNNATURAL to lose a child. It doesn’t matter how many others you may also have, the pain is the same. Downright unbearable.