Sometimes in anticipation of upcoming milestones, I feel like sticking my head in the sand instead of facing them. I have several major milestones to face this year and I want nothing more than to just hide from it all and stick my head in the sand. If I can’t see it, it can’t hurt me. Right? I can’t do that though and have no choice but to go through it all.
MADISON’S SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL
This year would be Madison’s Senior year of high school. I’ve been seeing all her friends and so many other parents post senior portraits on Facebook. Don’t get me wrong; I do love seeing them all, but at the same time it hurts my heart deeply that I’m not able to take Maddy’s senior pictures. She was so beautiful & photogenic that I’m sure her portraits would have been absolutely gorgeous.
This also would be the year of her senior prom and she would’ve looked stunning in her prom dress; the dress that we would’ve picked out together. I would’ve spent the day helping her get her hair, makeup and nails done and I’m sure I would’ve been the one taking photographs of this event too.
This year would be her high school graduation. An event I wouldn’t have missed for the world and I would’ve been so proud of her. I’m actually still planning to attend this year’s ceremony because her classmates would like to honor her by having a chair for her along side them with her photograph in the seat. The idea of that empty chair just tears my heart apart. But this event is not about me, it’s for her classmates and I know they need to honor her in their own way because they love and miss her too. So I will be there to watch her friends as they walk across the stage to receive their diplomas. I will try my best to hold it together while I’m there.
This year in June Maddy would be turning 18. Another big milestone. She would’ve been an official adult. I plan on finding a way to honor her on her 18th birthday. I haven’t completely made up my mind about what I want to do yet. I’d like to do something special though.
Then in August she would be getting ready to start her first year of college. We most likely would already know which college she would be attending by now.
So many things would be happening this year. Instead all I can do is imagine what these milestones would be like if she was still here.
ONLY IN MY DREAMS THOUGH