In life, there are things we take for granted. Some may not be apparent until they are lost. After the loss of a loved one, there is much time spent remembering all the little things; moments we might have forgotten or continued to take for granted otherwise. This has been the case for me anyway. There were many moments I took for granted. Moments I would give anything to experience again.
I lived with just my two daughters, for a great deal of their lives. My girls, born 6 years apart, were each others best friend at times and worst enemy other times. They fought, constantly!!! They fought even when they were getting along. I would give absolutely anything to hear the laughing, screaming, bickering and general nonsense again. The same noise that drove me half mad before. I took their interactions with one another for granted.
Madison was a very loud, outspoken and opinionated child and teenager. There were times I thought to myself, I just need some quiet time. She could literally say the word “mom”, 10-15 times, each time, followed by a different question in a 5 minute time span. It used to make me want to change my name. Oh how I wish I could hear her say that one, word, again. “Mom”. I know all too well now, how hearing that one word over and over and over was beautiful music to my ears. I took that for granted.
She always wanted to sleep with me and she did, probably 6 out of 7 days in the week, up until my husband came along, when she was 13. Even then, until the day she died, she would, some nights, after watching a movie in our room or when he was out of town. So there I’d be, squished in the middle of the bed between her and my husband. She was like a violent tornado to sleep beside too. I woke to feet in my face, feet in the small of my back, arms flying and hitting me, and her laying completely on top of me, all 110-115 pounds of her, more often then not. I wake now, only to wish I could get a crappy night’s sleep beside her or underneath her again. I took that for granted.
This is only a few examples of the little stuff I took for granted while Maddy was alive. I never thought I would have to live without Maddy. I always thought she would be with me until my last breath. And in a way she will be, but not the way she should be. These moments taken for granted have become precious memories now. Moments to keep in my heart, always. Moments I would give anything to experience again. Anything.