Anger

I’ve been fairly silent lately and not expressing what’s been going on in my heart. To be honest, I just haven’t had the words recently.

I’ve been stuck in some sort of deep sadness. However, my emotions haven’t been completely running away with me, so I think I’ve been in a more quiet grief place lately. It’s not felt near as chaotic recently, just a deep quiet sadness.

During my journey, I’ve been through many emotional struggles. I’ve experienced despair, fear, longing, anxiety, depression, regret, guilt and countless others. But I haven’t experienced anger related to my grief.

That is until now. The last several days I have been feeling angry and not really knowing why. Then all the sudden, I began feeling angry with Madison.

That was it!

I’m so angry with her right now! I’m angry that she made a mistake that ended her life and took her away from me & her other family. I’m angry she’s not here. I’M ANGRY!

I got so angry that I started throwing away her things. Now before anyone gets upset or offended, I didn’t throw away anything sentimental or personal. But I’ve kept so much unchanged since she died that I just felt I had to make a change. I threw away most of her crap, the things that friends and family have all been through, taken what they wanted and left the rest. Like I said, the crap!

I don’t know. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, or maybe it was, but I had to do something about my anger. I had to do something constructive instead of letting my anger fester, causing me to become bitter.