Here we are again, a couple of days into another December. While most are gearing up for Christmas, I find myself quickly approaching yet another dreaded anniversary. The anniversary of a life lost; the life of my sweet daughter Maddy.
So much time has passed and still, I grieve. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I still feel loss every, single, day, of my life. I still love, miss and long for her more than I can put into words. I guess I always will.
It’s said that grief is the price of love. So as long as I have love for her in my heart, I will grieve. I will grieve until I too, take my last breath. I have accepted this to be completely true at this point in my journey.
Much has changed with my grief over time. I have settled into a more peaceful and calm grief. I wouldn’t say I grieve any more or any less than before. It’s just different now. Grief is ever changing. It ebbs and flows, just like waves in the ocean.
I listen to a lot of music. It helps me quiet my tired and worried mind. And typically, I listen to a playlist or certain genres of music, so I hear a lot of the same songs often. Today was no different. Except today one line in a very familiar Elton John song hit me like a ton of bricks, “Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen”. The song was of course Your Song, we probably all know it well. However today, I wept hearing that one line. I wept, even though I hear this same song at least once a week.
I think most parents can look at their children and truly believe they have the sweetest eyes. I know I wholeheartedly believe that about my two girls. From Sarah’s big, baby blue eyes to Maddy’s almond shaped, hazel eyes with little flecks of brown; theirs are truly the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen.
Hearing that song was different today though…just like my grief. I sure do miss those beautiful hazel eyes.