Tag: Mourning

Bear Witness

There are no quick fixes Or remedies for our pain There is nothing That can take it away When you know someone Who has lost another they love Please do not turn and walk away Instead, just bear witness To what we have to say Our hearts have been broken And we know all to

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My Soul Will Find Yours

I will look for you Until I draw my last breath I’ll never let go Not even in death If it takes a thousand years or more Still I will find you Someday and somehow I’ll never lose hope And my soul will find yours

For You Daddy

In all my days I’ll always wonder What you would think of me now In all my days I’ll want to know If I still make you proud of me Daddy In all my days I’ll be your blonde haired, blue eyed little girl The one you always saw when you looked at me In

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The Legacy We Leave

I’ve decided to try a couple of other platforms to showcase some of my writing. I haven’t been getting as much traffic to my website as I’d like. In the 3 months I’ve been writing and pouring my heart out, I’ve still only seen a little over 4,300 visitors to Laura Simply Stumbling here on

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These Tears I’ve Shed

A million tears have touched these cheeks All the tears I’ve shed for you I only shed these tears Because I’m missing you I shed them when I’m feeling blue Each and every tear that falls Is a memory I have of you A million tears have touched these cheeks All the tears I’ve shed

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What I’ve come to learn about online grieving & support groups

I’m a member of a few online grieving groups through social media. The handful of groups I am part of are intended solely for either grieving mothers or both mothers and fathers. There are many groups available for those who have lost siblings, spouses, parents and grandparents, etc. too. Child loss is where I’ve found

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For Maddy On Her 18th Birthday

Madison’s 18th Birthday is tomorrow, the 27th of June. Just like with many other milestones one can face after the loss of a child, the days leading up can prove to be challenging. Anticipation has already been hitting me pretty hard. There have been many difficult milestones to get through this year. Just like any

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When Does Your Time Limit For Grieving Expire

At some point we all reach a time in our grieving process when people begin to find it more and more unacceptable that we continue to grieve our loved ones. They may even say things that make us feel guilty for grieving. They may begin to speak behind our backs, saying things like, “enough is

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The Haunting

I have this haunting A haunting, no one else can see You, my dear, have left and haunted me You left me with this haunting so deep inside of me I have this haunting, you see A haunting of dreams to never be And a future changed so shockingly Never before have I felt so

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The Empty Chair

This past Friday, I attended what would have been my daughter Madison’s High School Graduation. I knew it would no doubt, be one of the most difficult milestones I’ve had to face to date. However, I truly and wholeheartedly wanted to be there to see her friends graduate and watch them celebrate in their accomplishments.

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Through Her Mother’s Eyes

Madison was always full of life. She was full of spunk and had a little attitude too. Her laugh or smile could change your day in the matter of seconds. She was ferocious and so very tender at the same time. She loved to joke around and was so extremely smart and witty. She loved

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Dreams

I have a confession. This confession feels absolutely terrible to even put in writing. It is my reality though. I do not dream of Madison. I have only had three dreams of her that I actually remember since the day she left. I don’t know why; I try so hard to dream of her. Every

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Because of HIS Grace I Stood

When I first lost my daughter I was in complete and utter shock. I was in shock for multiple reasons. My precious baby had died plus I had suffered great trauma in finding her and trying to save her. The time leading up to her funeral service was a blur. I remember that I could

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Can Losing A Pet Be As Hard As Losing A Loved One

I read an article this morning titled “Researchers Reveal Losing A Dog Can Be As Hard As Losing A Loved One”. I read the article in full and I do not disagree that losing a beloved pet can DEFINITELY be hard and that we can love our pets so much that we do have to

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Knowing My Own Limits While Re-Entering Life

I have written some previously about my inability to physically go anywhere but one or two places and how I have become almost entirely agoraphobic because I suffer from overwhelming fear & panic while in public as well as most social situations. This is the most frequent topic of conversation with my grief councillor. He

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So you say you’re not okay

I have been seeing a very common and consistent theme everywhere I turn lately. I hear and see people say the following things way too regularly. “I AM NOT OKAY” “I AM NOT STRONG (EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME I AM)” “I CAN’T CONTINUE WITH THIS PAIN” First. You are NOT alone. Your feelings

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Some Days Just Suck

Some days just plain suck, but that’s okay. Some days I wish I could turn my back on all this grief, this unbearable pain in my heart, this terrible uncertainty, unnatural fear and anxiety. I wish I could turn my back on it all; All this emotional turmoil that takes such a great toll and

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In a Dream of You & Me

I had a dream A dream of you and me What a wonderful yet heartbreaking dream it would turn out to be We sat so close Face to face Not doing or saying a thing We both were content Just you and me I reached for your face To see if you were real Then

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Let’s Talk Unresolved or Complicated Grief

Everyone grieves at their own pace and in their own, very personal manner. So who’s to say that someone might have unresolved or complicated grief? Is there really anything ‘normal’ when it comes to grieving the loss of someone you love? How is grief not complicated and how is it ever possible to resolve? Who

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Seeing Myself Unabridged

I have a lot of time to think to myself, I mean lots of time. I am typically in deep thought even when I am busy doing something else. I am not present even while in the presence of others. I have become an efficient multitasker, but with the consequence of disconnecting. This post isn’t

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Washed Away

When both of my daughters were little I used to have a recurring nightmare. It was the only nightmare I can recall having while I was a young mother with two young children. This nightmare would always frighten me wide awake and I’d be covered in sweat. I would have to ground myself, realizing that

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Death Stole My Future

One thing is certain in life; death shall come to us all. Death is inevitable and inescapable. We shall all meet death eventually. I’ve written some about losing my father to cancer. The loss of my father is something I shall always grieve. I miss him more than I can ever describe. I do however

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Where Does This Love Go Now

I have so much love locked inside my heart with no where to go or anything left to do. It feels like my heart is going to explode. This is no ordinary love either, no. It is the love of a mother. See, this love cannot be given to anyone else either because it is

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Letting Go

“There are far better things ahead than we leave behind”“You can’t step into the future still holding onto the past”“No matter how much you revisit the past, there’s nothing new to see”“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” Quotes like these make me really think about my

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Would It Be Alright To Just Stick My Head In The Sand

Sometimes in anticipation of upcoming milestones, I feel like sticking my head in the sand instead of facing them. I have several major milestones to face this year and I want nothing more than to just hide from it all and stick my head in the sand. If I can’t see it, it can’t hurt

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Tomorrow is Today

There can be no turning back. If it were possible, I would’ve already found a way. Yesterday has gone and tomorrow is always today. This is one of the many terrible realizations that come after losing your child. Every day I wake only to face the same heartbreak again. I can’t run or hide from

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No ‘at least’ in child loss – My two cents on saying at least to a grieving parent

There is no ‘at least’ in childloss. No one can convince me otherwise on this. I understand that people honestly mean well anytime they begin a sentence with “at least” while speaking of my loss. The truth is, that I cringe inside when anyone says something like “At least you have another child. At least

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My Regrets

When a loved one dies it is perfectly natural to have feelings of regret. It’s natural to regret a conversation you might have had with them or one you didn’t get to have. It is natural to feel regret for not spending enough time with them. It’s natural to feel regret for just about anything

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Is It Glorifying The Imperfect

I lost my daughter to a drug related accident. My daughter was imperfect; she acted out, just like most teenagers do and she ultimately did something that caused her own death. So why do I “glorify” her in my writing? I have a very simple answer to this question. LOVE. I love my daughter unconditionally

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His Patience and My Purpose

It’s been a little more than two years keeping my feelings and what is in my heart almost entirely to myself, only ever speaking of the most superficial. I’ve never spoke aloud or written any of what’s been pouring out of my heart recently. I have been so angry with God over Maddy’s death. But

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Signs From Our Loved Ones

I’ve heard it said that there are signs of our loved ones everywhere. I’ve heard that some of the signs can come by way of butterflies, dragonflies, cardinals, a cloud formation, a ray of light or feathers, just to name a few. I’ve seen all of these things regularly throughout my journey and I want

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Sinking-Screaming Silently

At times it feels like I’m sinking into a dark hole while screaming out “Why can’t anyone hear me? Can’t anyone see the pain I’m in? Why isn’t anyone helping me?” But all my screams are totally silent so I go another day feeling like my pain is completely invisible to everyone else. The sensation

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When Maddy Loved

When Maddy loved, she truly loved with her whole heart. She loved her Papaw wholeheartedly no doubt. He had always been a huge part of her everyday life for most of her life. I know from personal experience all the reasons she loved him so, as he is my father and in my eyes no

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Half Here – Half There

This life long journey I’m on is hard. I know I’m not alone, but it’s still so lonely being here. See, I have two beautiful daughters which I love more than anything in the world. I’m a mother here on earth and I’m a mother in heaven. This journey of mine is not fair to

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I Know You

I know you I know all about you I know what it felt like as you grew inside me I know what it felt like to hold you for the first time & every time that followed  I know every fleck of color & sparkle in your eyes I know the tears that fell from

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Reasons Why I’m Strong

I never chose to become a grieving mother. There have been many times when I have wanted to give up completely and I often wonder how I haven’t died from my broken heart alone. Surely it’s enough to stop a heart, right? Carrying such lament is not for the faint of heart. It takes a

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Just Breathe

I have to remind myself to breathe most every day. I honestly believe with some things there are absolutely no quick fixes because sometimes you cannot possibly foresee a future, after having your life altered in such a earth shattering way. Healing can come too, however small it may seem. Many of us will all continue

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In My Experience – How Losing a Parent Differs From The Loss of a Child

My father passed away after a long battle with pancreatic cancer just a little over a year before my daughter left this world too. I always thought that losing my parents would be the most difficult thing I would ever go through or have to face. I recall a conversation I had with him just

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